Missed Me?

Hello friends!

Sorry I went off the air. That's not entirely the case. I was posting some reviews and giveaways, but I promised more life posts and I've dropped the ball. Sorry 'bout that.

I am struggling to find the time to maintain this blog. Truthfully, I am doing social media stuff all day at work and it's been hard to summon the power to post on my personal site. Plus work is time-consuming and I find my "free time" divided between family and chores. Aw, balance (post on that coming soon!).

Here is a few updates: I was featured at Mom Meet Mom this week. Mom Meet Mom is like Match.com for the mommy set. One of a my favorite bloggers Christa of I Know How Babby Is Formed, is the visionary behind this movement. Please go check it out!

Marlie's sass meter is off the charts. She likes to argue and thinks she's smarter than you so she tries to justify talking back. Now, I'm all for encouraging my child to use her reasoning skills and powers of persuasion, just don't be rude! I told her I was sending her to law school so can turn all that back talk into billable hours. She learned to snap her fingers recenltly which she enjoys doing while watching Michael Jackson videos on YouTube. She calls him "Michael Jack" and she asked me why his nose looks different in Blame it on the Boogie and Bad (she's very observant). She turns 4 next month and the birthday party is all planned out. If you follow my boards on Pinterest then you already know the theme is Toy Story Western. I can't wait to share photos! This fall we will take her on kindergarten school tours because the public school system has school choice option (it's really a placement lottery). We will also visit a couple of charter and parochial schools. I am trying not to freak out about it.

Desmond had a huge growth spurt and is already more than half Marlie's height. People comment that he is going to be taller than her. They may be right. He clocked in at 75 percentile for height at his 15 month wellness check up. He weighs 20 lbs so he is going to be long and lean. He has taken to school like a fish to water. He likes stacking and sorting. He even stacks and sorts things around the house. Too bad we have to transfer him to another school because we can't afford to keep him at Marlie's school (long story). He is also talking up a storm: nana (banana), hair-to (here you go), du (dog/duck), baba (Marlie), mama, dada, and oh-oh.

Me and Damon went through a rough patch recently. Lots of arguments and nights on the couch. After a particularly nasty day of exchange barbs and hanging up on each other, we put the kids to bed and talked. It was a huge breakthrough. Things are on the mend and just in time to have a happy 13th wedding anniversary on July 15.

Happy Birthday to Me for the 37th Time

Yesterday was my 27th 37th birthday. Happy Birthday to me!


I didn't do this post earlier because I was lazy not because I am bummed about getting older.

For me, the big 3-7 is an unremarkable birthday so I celebrated in a befitting manner. I didn't have a big party like the one I had when I turned 30. I also didn't have a mini nervous breakdown like the one I had when I turned 35. We (just hubby and me)went to a dinner theater to see OZ the Great and Powerful. It was a nice evening and low key.

I did make a couple of birthday resolutions (which is NOT the same as New Year's resolutions). Teresha, I said to myself, you need to quit worrying so much and put yourself first more often. So my birthday present to myself this year is to: 

Relax More

Be Selfish on Occasion

I think I can do that!

The Happy Mommy Project

Last Wednesday I dropped both kiddos off at preschool and a strange sensation washed over me as I drove away alone. I smiled as I recognized the feeling. It was unbridled happiness brought on by emancipation. I was free to do whatever I wanted for the next 5 hours. This was a first in I can't even remember how long. The thought made me so giddy that I got an endorphin rush and promptly passed out for two hours on the coach. Seriously. Then I met up with Caroline Paul (author of Lost Cat: Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation, and GPS Technology. I give it two paws up!) for coffee and conversation. It was thrilling to talk to another adult about something other than diaper rash, daycare, or Dora.

In the blink of an eye it was time to pick up the kids. Another weird feeling crept up over me as I steered the car down the interstate. I felt level. The usual stress and exhaustion of caring for my kids all day was missing and I was relaxed. The feeling gave way to excitement see my kids because I missed them. My voice was light as I asked Marlie about her day. I noticed that I was not annoyed when she lagged behind and took forever to get in her car seat. I noticed I was not snapping at them during chaos of making dinner and getting them ready for bed. I was in a good mood!

By Serge Melki from Indianapolis, USA (YepUploaded by russavia) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

I got a satisfying taste of mommy/me balance and I want more. every day. I don't want to take drugs to be a better mom. and I don't ever want to become a mom who regrets having a family. I have been working with my shiatsu therapist on identifying and alleviating my depression triggers. For instance:

• not getting enough sleep makes me grumpy
• feeling overwhelmed and crowded makes me grumpy
• being rushed makes me grumpy
• neglecting myself makes me grumpy
• feeling invisible and unheard makes me grumpy
• being taken for granted makes me grumpy

I sound like a victim with no say in her life, no wonder I am in a perpetual bad mood! The good news is I do have control over my life and self-determination. The rigors of motherhood are always going to be there. I need coping techniques! So I am making "ME" the focus of my new project. The objective is to turn myself into a happy mom, one whose default setting is a good mood and whose family enjoys being around her. It begins with listing the things that make me happy and then doing them:

What makes me happy:	How to make it happen:
having time for myself makes me happy	carve out alone time to pursue my interests like writing and reading
taking care of myself makes me happy	Exercise regularly and go to bed early
doing something nice for myself makes me happy	Make 1 out of 10 things I do daily just about me
getting help when I get overwhelmed makes me happy	Ask for help when there is too much on my plate and don't take no for an answer
making others happy makes me happy	spend more time playing with my kids and start volunteering

Simple, right?! What makes you mom happy?

How Do You Finish a Half Marathon? (Wordful Wednesday)

One foot in front of the other. And that's how I walked 13.1 miles on Sunday and finished the Oakland Run Fest with a personal best time of 3 hours 12 minutes (my goal was 3:30). Booya!


I am so proud of myself. Six months ago I set off to walk the whole marathon, but by January that was not looking feasible. I was so disappointed and a little part of me felt like a failure because doing the 26.2 miles was going to be my consolation prize. As a former runner, I used to look down on walking. I suffered some serious stress fractures a few years ago and was told that I needed to switch to power-walking. It took the running snob in me a long time to take walking seriously. That was until I joined the GO WOW Team and met Coach Stephanie and some powerful ladies who walked faster than many runners. They taught me valuable life lessons about real achievement, setting your own pace, and competing against yourself. I was hooked.


You know the saying that slow and steady wins the race? I saw it with my own eyes. I walked it with my own feet. My team of walkers started at the back of the pack, but we started to pass some of the runners as we hit mile 5 and mile 8. By mile 10 there were gaggles of worn out runners who could barely pick up their feet and we just strode right by them, arms pumping. * I wanted to include a photo of me doing the course, but the prices to download images are CRAZY!*

The entire race was electrifying. The crowds of spectators on the roads were so supportive ringing cow bells, shouting encouragement, and holding signs. My favorites: "kick asphalt," "may the course be with you" "Just Finish! (that's what she said)," and "Hey girl, I'm waiting for you at the finish line-Ryan Gosling."

I got teary eyed as I rounded the last mile and a sense of accomplishment washed over me. No time to sit on my laurels though, the next half marathon is in June!

The Kids' Log: February 10-16, 2013

Please don't take notice of the conspicuous lack of pictures again. This week was kind of ordinary with the exception of a few instances of some extraordinary things that happened to me.

First, I applied for a job! This was one of the to-do things on my homework checklist. Another parent happened to mention an opening for a Communications Manager at a local private school so I submitted my resume on Monday. I am so proud that I was able to quiet that little voice of self-doubt and go for it.

The second cool things that happened is that I won a $50 gift card to REI which I used to buy gear for the marathon (now a half marathon). I bought two pair of walking socks with padded heels. They cost $30 but they are so worth the price because after I wore them on my 14-mile training walk yesterday my feet did not feel like pulverized meat for the first time since I started long distance walking.

The third nice thing that happened was our first date night since moving here. We set up a babysitting swap with our neighbors where we watched their girls on Friday night and they watched our kids on Saturday evening so both couples could enjoy a Valentine's outing. I'm not going to lie folks, it felt weird being out after dark. It hit me that I rarely go out at night anymore and that made me a little down. As Krissy said, we need to get a life! That's why we are going to try these date night swaps with our neighbors more often.

Toddler Log: 3 Years and 26 Weeks Old
Miss Social Butterfly attended two birthday parties this week, one last Sunday and one yesterday. She has a busier social calendar than me. I really, really need to get a life. I am happy to report that she was not kicked out of gymnastics class on Friday. She walked up to the teacher and told her she was ready to listen. She had a good time an was rewarded with a stamp. I also took her for cupcakes afterward.

Baby Log: 44 Weeks Old
Desmond came down with a cold earlier in the week. This was on top on the teething, so he was extra miserable. I spent most of the week wiping his face. It was hard to tell where the snot ended and the drool began. LOL!

Convos from the Backseat #5

I'm still experimenting with this meme inspired by my conversations in the car with my chatterbox in the backseat. I really want to make it a link-up too, maybe once a month so we can share our best talks with our toddlers/preschoolers.


on the way home from preschool last Thursday, Marlie decides to start talking about color (as in race). Out of the blue, She blurts out...

Marlie: Mommy, I'm black 
Me: Okay (followed by laughter). 
Marlie: Why are you laughing at me? 
Me: I'm not. I am just surprised and happy that you know that. Where did you learn that you are black? 
Marlie: I saw a wormy squirmy today. 
Me: (Now I am confused, but I want to stay on topic). Is the wormy squirmy black? 
Marlie: No, he's slimy! 
Me: Okay. Is daddy black? 
Marlie: Yes. 
Me: Is mommy black? 
Marlie: No. You are yellow. 
Me: (doing a double take). Mommy is black too. 
Marlie: No! I want you to be yellow. 
Me: If you say so (shaking my head. no sense in arguing with her at this ages because apparently she thinks I am a crayon)

...to be continued

I am the spoon

Source: iguana_nirvana14 under Creative Commons License

I have been struggling lately. I have been struggling badly.

Everything is a fight. I fight to get out of bed. I fight get through the day. 

I also fight with my husband and 3 year-old. 

I decided enough was enough. I am exhausted from holding onto to this pain. Mostly, I am deathly afraid that I am damaging my kids with my depression and fits of anger. I decided it was time to face my demons. 

 I had my first therapy appointment on Sunday. It was a revelation. She is not a therapist from the school of psychology/psychiatry. She is a spiritual healer, which is a laymen term for allopathic practitioner. She works with the body's energy field to stimulate awareness and promote healing. 

My first session was incredible. I learned so much about why I feel so shitty. In a nutshell, having kids brought up all the negative feelings I had swept under a giant rug. When I gave birth to my children, I also pushed out these suppressed emotions. While this theory was not an epiphany, her approach to addressing my problems was refreshing. I felt understood, safe, un-judged.

I left feeling hopeful that I could reclaim my life. I also left with homework. I like homework because it forces me to practice what I am learning, and what I am learning is that the spoon does not bend, I have to bend. I am the spoon.

One of the assignments is to list 10 things I was to do for myself in the next month and try to do at least one of them each day. So, in an effort to hold myself accountable I am going to write them on my blog and you all can keep tabs on me:

1. Finishing reading a book
2. Go for a walk by myself at least once a week
3. Brush and floss my teeth everyday
4. Drink a cup of tea before bed
5. Buy new clothes so I can discard my maternity clothes
6. Apply for a job and not get disappointed if I'm not contacted for an interview 
7. Plan a girlfriends getaway
8. Get a Mani/Pedi
9. Reinstate spa Friday
10. Pray

Convos from the Backseat

I'm toying with a new meme inspired by my conversations in the car with my chatterbox in the backseat. Let me know what you think!


Yesterday's Conversation...

Marlie: Mommy, the baby doesn't have any teeth
Me: I know honey, he's a baby
Marlie: Mommy, do you have any teeth?
Me: Yes I do
Marlie: I don't have a tail (her word for p_nis) like the baby.  Do you have a tail mommy?
Me: No Marlie. Girls don't have tails. I'm a girl.
Marlie: You're not a girl, you're a mommy!
Me: I'm a girl too.
Marlie: Oh. What's your name?
Me: Teresha
Marlie: What's daddy's name?
Me: Damon
Marlie: What's the baby's name?
Me: Desmond
Marlie: What's my name?
Me: Marlie, silly!
Marlie: What's that man's name?
Me: Where?
Marlie: Over there!
Me: I don't know Marlie.
Marlie: Why?
Me: Because mommy doesn't know everything!

Why Can't I Make Any New Friends IRL?

I have a shameful secret to share. I have not made any new friends in more than four years. I am not talking about people with whom I am friendly and do stuff together on occasion. I have plenty of those. I am also not talking about my blogging buddies (Hi Alexia, Christa, Darcel, Kia, Kim #1 and #2, Krissy, Maureen, Nicole, Quiana!). See, I have tons of those and they are awesome girlfriends, but I only see them in the blogosphere.

I am talking about in real life, go grab lunch, talk on the phone about our problems, meet up at girls' night out, watch each others' kids in a pinch...FRIENDS. I don't have any of those and it is really starting to bug me. For the entire four years we lived in Dallas I didn't have a circle of female companions to hang out with, not like the group of ladies I called friends back in Atlanta. See what had happened was that I got pregnant almost immediately after we moved to Dallas in 2008.  I joined our neighborhood mommy group, but didn't like the clique-ishness. I tried other groups through MeetUp but didn't find a good fit and Mocha Moms activities were too far of a drive. So I just gave up and held out until we moved again.

credit: By John (originally posted to Flickr as Friends soundstage) [Public domain or CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Now I am in a new city and there are women everywhere ready for friending, but apparently I suck at it. I am quickly discovering that making friends with moms is like dating, you don't want to appear too eager. I tried making small talk with a nice mom at the park with a girl around Marlie's age. We exchanged hellos and I began the next sentence with, "we just moved here from Dallas." She suddenly made an excuse to leave. The woman literally leaped off the park bench, grabbed her daughter from the swing, and bolted like they were being chased by a zombie. I sat there alone on the bench and wondered if I had said something wrong. Then I realized she must have interpreted my introduction as a desperate cry for friendship. I feel like I am walking around town with a scarlet letter N for New Girl on my chest.

The last time I had to make friends, I was newly married and childless. It was so much easier back then because I didn't have to consider if we shared the same parenting values or whether our children would get along. I just don't know the rules for making friends with other moms. I know it's harder to socialize when you have little kids, so maybe I my expectations are too high. But I only need one or two fellow warrior moms. Women who want to swap parenting tips, babysitting, kid clothes and have potluck brunches. Is that too much to ask for? 

I Am Last

Have you seen those billboards with the tag line "I Am Second"? Well, I think someone ought to design one for moms called "I am Last" because there is a fine line between motherhood and slavery.

Lately I find myself relating to the artificially intelligent character in the movie I, Robot who is struggling to assert his self-identity amongst a race of people who see him as nothing more than an indentured servant. I can also identify with Rosey from the television cartoon The Jetsons, a mechanical maid on wheels, dust rag in hand, cleaning up behind an over-privileged family. I want to be Jane Jetson or Carol Brady, not the help.

This is NOT who I am. Image Credit: Darryl Heine

I am responsible for caring for two little kids, a home, and a husband (did I mention we just moved halfway across the country, upsetting everyone's routines, and are staying in a temporary residence while we feverishly look for a new home?) After a particularly exhausting day of fetching stuff for a high-maintenance toddler while balance a nursing infant on my boob, I started shouting, "I am human being!" I truly feel robbed of my humanity right now, but who took it?

I know I partially to blame because I've always had trouble prioritizing me. After taking care of everyone else and everything else, I am often left without time for myself. This is bad enough without being taken for granted. Articles of clothing are constantly left lying on the floor and items are not put back where they belong because it is assumed that the maid mom will pick it up. I have to consistently remind my toddler that mommy is not her personal valet. I have to be insistent that she clean up after herself otherwise she will try me for the help. Maybe if she saw the other adult in the house picking up after himself she wouldn't act like a scalded cat when I tell her to pick up her toys. I realized awhile ago that a lot of my feelings stem from a devaluation of my contribution a stay-at-home mom. My complaints are often met with the response that it's my job.

Actually, I left the workforce to be a full-time mom although I grudgingly accept that housekeeping comes with the territory. That doesn't mean I wait you on hand and foot. That doesn't mean you don't have to put your dirty socks in the hamper. That doesn't mean I don't deserve a thank you for washing and folding the laundry. I have my hands full with a baby and a toddler and no hired help or even some family nearby to give me some relief, so guess what?! If the dishes don't get done or there is a layer of dust on the mantel, it means that I am couldn't get to it. I feel bad enough about this without being made to feel like I am not mom enough for not having a spotless house. I don't need to be told half-jokingly that the house could be cleaner. I am not a robot, dang it!

I have sacrificed a lot, from my career to my social life. I'll be a monkey's uncle before I give up my dignity too! I am last, and I am aware that I made that choice. I don't plan on on being last in my life forever, just until my babies are old enough to feed, bathe, and clothe themselves. Until then, I would just like some validation for all I do and a little appreciation for how hard I work to put my family first.

Lessons I've Learned During 36 years of Living

Happy 36th birthday to me! In celebration of another blessed year on planet Earth, I thought I might share some of the greatest (and sometimes tough) lessons I've learned throughout my life:

1. Ask. Believe. Receive
2. Be kind to your body because you don't get to trade it in for a new one
3. Exercise your brain everyday
4. Popularity is fleeting
5. Be careful who you call friend
6. Trust your instincts
7. You can't please everybody 
8. If the grass looks greener on the other side it's probably because their is a ton of sh!t under the surface
9. You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you
10. It's okay to say "no"
11. Credit cards are for emergencies
12. Holding grudges is toxic to the soul
13. Forgive someone who has trespassed against you, but never give them another opportunity to do it again
14. Don't take things so personally
15. It's okay to be selfish sometimes 
16. It's okay to have emotions, so cry if you want to 
17. No one wants to attend a pity party except Misery because she likes company
18. First impressions are not as important as last impressions
19. Be who you want to be. People might not like who you are, but they will respect you
20. No issue is black or white, everything has a gray area
21. Think before you speak
22. Outer beauty doesn't last forever, but inner beauty lives on
23. You have to stand up for yourself or people will walk all over you
24. Try something new once before you dismiss it
25. Never say never
26. It's better to give than receive
27. Don't give unsolicited advice
28. If you want something done right, do it yourself
29. Prayer works
30. Be careful what you wish for
31. Sugar is a drug
32. Drink lots of water to cleanse the toxins
33. Embrace your flaws because God doesn't make mistakes
34. Laugh... a lot
35. Marry your best friend
36. Your children are the most important legacy you leave behind

The Belated Mother's Day Post

I invited several of my favorite mommy bloggers to submit guest posts for a series on 21st Century Motherhood because I truly wanted to provide a space for the gen-X perspective on being a mom. I also had a shameful ulterior motive...I didn't have the guts to write one myself. Being the over-comer that I am, I decided to wax stupid about my proudest moment as a mom at the invitation of UPrinting and Giveaway Blogs. So here goes:

Unlike most women, I didn't always dream of becoming a mother. As a matter of fact, I put it off as long as possible. As the oldest of six children raised by a mother who knew how to have lots of babies, but nothing about what they needed to become happy and healthy adults, I was deathly afraid of that I would be just like my mother.

I never doubted that my mom loves all her children, but I could tell even when I was little that she didn't always love being a mom. I used to resent her for going back to work, dating men after she divorced by father, remarrying, making bad financial choices that created hardships, and sheltering us too much. Yes, my mom loved her children, but she was also searching for something that we didn't fulfill.

I worked hard on myself to avoid the same pitfalls that made my own mom such a tortured soul. I went to college because she didn't. I didn't marry at 18 because she did. I traveled the world because she didn't. I didn't have a child in my 20s because she did. I thought being the exact opposite of my mom would save me from becoming like her.

I took the leap into motherhood when I finally trusted myself, when I really felt like I would be a good mom. And you know what? I am darn good at it. I taught my daughter to walk, dance, put on her own socks, and say "shut up, dog!" My proudest mom moment, however, was realizing I had nothing to be afraid of. I am a lot different from my mom, but she is a part of me, which makes us similar in some ways. I am okay with that.

disclosure: This is an entry to the Proud Mom contest, I'm in the running to win $50! Sponsored by uPrinting event ticket printing services!

Wordful Wednesday: 35 Years of Me

It seems like yesterday I was turning 30, now I'm celebrating my 35th birthday today.

So much has happened these past five years. I grew up a lot. I learned to love and trust myself. I packed up my life and moved southwest with my husband. I took control of my health, and I became a mom.

Motherhood is the most defining experience of my life...far above earning degrees, having a career, or even getting married. It has changed me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. After almost two years in the role, I think I am finally getting the hang of it.

My gift to myself on my 35th birthday is a pledge to continue working on being the best possible version of myself...to embrace who I am from head to toe, inside and outside. To love my kinky hair, my freckles, my big booty, my runner's thighs, my chicken legs, my phobias (germs) and quirks (I won't eat a fruit that has a blemish). To also love my light brown eyes, my calf muscles, my wicked sense of humor, my bookish intelligence, and my eclectic taste in music, food and friends. My gift to Teresha is happiness with who I am... no regrets, no apologies, no resentments.

I took the long road to get here, but I have arrived and I am so proud of the woman I am today. Happy Birthday to me!

My Juice Cleansing Journal

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be an instructional guide on how to perform a detox cleanse. I am not a dietitian or physician. I am simply sharing my experience with cleansing detox regimes. Consult a trained health professional before starting a cleansing regimen.

After my alternative health makeover in 2006 and before I had Marlie, I would regularly go on a cleansing regimen every 3-4 months. Sometimes I did 10 days, sometimes on 3 days depending how "junky" I felt inside. One of the greatest lessons you will learn from cleansing your system is how your body should feel...light and energetic (body), relaxed and clear (mind), peaceful and free (spirit). It is about connecting with your body.

Unfortunately, cleansing has become very popular on the crash diet circuit. I personally don't recommend using it as a weight loss solution. Yes, you will lose weight but most of that will be water weight that your body has been retaining in an attempt to flush out toxins. Your system will let the water go with the help of a internal cleanse as it naturally detoxes. You will also lose the built up waste that your body was storing (that can be a significant amount in people who have diets high in processed foods). While a cleanse is not meant to be a magic diet pill, it is effective as a jumping off point in a long-term weight loss program (lifestyle change) that includes good diet and exercise.

For me, cleansing is about giving my digestive system a break, ridding my body of toxins and other nasty stuff, and resetting my immune system. I immediately notice the difference in my skin, which is your body's largest organ and main filter. Pimples and other skin conditions can be signs that an internal cleanse is needed.

I do several things when I am on a cleansing regimen:

• I ease into it. I eat lightly a couple of days before I start so I don't shock my system by suddenly taking in only liquids. I avoid foods that tax the digestive system like starches, simple carbohydrates, refined sugars, and fatty meats.
  
• I write out my regimen on a calendar so I can stick with it. I also plan my cleansing around my social calendar so I am not tempted to eat at parties, weddings, etc...
• I take it easy. The 800-1200 calories/day I get from drinking liquid fruits and vegetables is enough to fuel me, but not to run a marathon. I do not exercise while I am cleansing.
  
• I gently break the fast. I don't go gobble a hamburger and milkshake the day after the cleansing period is over. I slowly incorporate solids back into my diet starting with fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, dairy, then finally meat.
  
• I take probiotics afterward to restore the balance of good bacteria in my digestive system.

This round of cleansing lasted three days. As usual, I was very hungry the first day. I had to keep telling myself that it's all in my head. I drink water when the hunger intensifies. The first night, I literally dream about food. I read somewhere that this is common. I feel better the next morning. The second day is hard only because I still have to make regular meals for Marlie, and I have to stop myself from licking the almond butter from my fingers out of habit. The upside is that Marlie is loving the juices we make and drinks it up and asks for more. Love her! Some of my favorite juice combos are: apple-beet-carrot-orange, sweet potato-celery-ginger-orange, and pineapple-lemon-beet. By day 3 I am feeling sublime...hunger has dissipated, energy is up, and my stomach has shrunk. I know if I want this feeling to last, that I have to eat wholesome foods. I'm not perfect though. I am going to eat pizza and cupcakes occasionally, and when I overdo it I can always cleanse.

photo credit: Chelle's View
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.

Wordful Wednesday: Painted Piggies

If you were expecting pigs in makeup, sorry to have disappointed you.
Just us girls beautifying our toes! Natural nail polish, of course.

Let the Insanity Begin! Final Results

We did it!

We completed the Insanity 60-day workout program! Just in time too because I wrenched my left knee when I landed wrong during a power jump. Hopefully, it will be fine in a few days.

We did the final Fit Test yesterday. I cannot believe how far we've come!

I am proud of myself for sticking with it. I feel great and I look better than I have in months. I am stronger and firmer as in my inner thighs no longer slap together when I do a jumping jack. I still see more work to be done, but that's not me nitpicking. I won't stop until my abs are back to their original flatness.

I did this for me, but also for my daughter. One of my motivations is to model the importance of fitness for her. She is a fast learner, too. She loves to exercise and say "dig deep!"

Tomorrow we start our 3-day juicing cleanse. I will post about that too with before and after pictures.

Thanks to everyone who has followed my Insanity blog posts and cheered me on!

Wordful Wednesday: Couple of Cool Chicks

We bad, we know it!
Thanks to Krissy I have one more rare photo of Marlie and me together.
p.s. What is up with Photobucket?!

I'm Rockin' a Guest Post Navelgazing Bajan Today!

Please hop over to Navelgazing Bajan and read my contribution to her "What Motherhood Means to Me" series. It's titled Finding My Mommy+

Don't forget to leave lots of comments!

Stuff on my mind

With a quarter of the year now over, I feel the need to set some goals for the remainder of 2011. I know I said I don't do New Year's Resolutions, nothing wrong with some goal-setting later in the year though. But these are more like plans I have been making in my head, so I am going dump them right here in black and white where I can be held accountable to execute them:

• My 35th birthday is next month. That has a lot to do with the thoughts churning around in my brain. I want to do something life-changing and life-affirming. The year I turned 30 I was sick, overweight, and depressed. I prayed so hard for a resolution. When modern medicine failed me, I turned to homeopathy and found my way back to health. On the cusp of my 35th birthday I am struggling again, but this time it's internal conflict. I've been suffering from a serious case of identity crisis since I became a mom. It's time for me to get out of this funk and rediscover who Teresha is.
• Part of that rediscovery is giving serious thought to going back to the workforce after Marlie's 2nd birthday. Can you believe I received my last paycheck in May 2008? Just thinking about dusting off my resume and interviewing skills fills me with anxiety. I would like to find a way to write for a living. I can't think of anything else that would be worth being away from Marlie for most of the day.
  
• Another plan is to reorganize and redesign my blog. Marlie is growing up, there is less baby stuff to talk about and more toddler topics to tackle (learning, the best developmental toys, discipline, the potty) . Plus, I'd like to spend more time writing about the balance between motherhood and womanhood. Time for a big girl makeover at Marlie and Me. I'm talking navigation bar and social media buttons! I am looking for a blog designer who can bring it!
• Speaking of blogs, I have been toying with this idea to create a political blog where I can wax political and engage in civil debate about social justice, poverty, the War on Terrorism, the Tea Party, immigration, gun control, the Wall Street bailout, unrest in the Middle East, and birthers. Where would I find the time?
• Maybe giving up the idiot box would free up time to write another blog. I am starting to question the usefulness of TV. I can read the news and get updates of my favorite shows online. It bothers me to see Marlie in front of the television. We don't learn from watching, we learn from doing. So no more TV during the day. More time engaging her in practical life like watering the herb garden, putting Kermit to sleep, folding clothes, doing dishes, reading books, dancing, speaking Spanish, and showering her with love.
  
• I want to host a series of guest posts leading up to Mother's Day around the theme of 21st century motherhood. I am going to figure out how to do a Google Docs form so you can submit your ideas!
  

My Mystery Illness Solved

It's called Lichen Planopilaris.

It took five years to put a name to my health issues. Five years of unexplained symptoms, endless trips to doctors and specialists, and wild goose chases. But my persistence paid off. I finally have a name for it.

Lichen Planopilaris.

It sounds scarier than it really is. I call it my vanity illness because the major symptom is hair loss. I also experience flare-ups of red, itchy bumps on my face and neck, which can be mistaken for acne. Now, I know better.

The first sign of trouble appeared in 2005 when my hairdresser noticed my hair was thinning at the crown. She told me to go see a dermatologist. That doctor said it was stress, over-processing or hereditary and sent me on my way. Around that time I went natural, but my hair kept coming out so I found a different dermatologist who gave me steroid injections into my scalp and a prescription for Minoxidil mixed with Retin-A. I also began seeing a homeopathic doctor who gave me supplements for adrenal support and instructed me to avoid eating wheat/gluten. My hair grew back and I thought the problem was solved.

Fast forward to 2008. We move to a new city. I am stressed over moving, looking for a job and trying to get pregnant. My face erupts in patches of itchy, red bumps. I go see a dermatologist who wants to put me on antibiotics and an acne cream. I opt for an acupuncturist and my face clears up. I get pregnant and 13 weeks into my pregnancy, my hair starts falling out. I go see a different dermatologist who can't do anything since I am pregnant. Meanwhile, I am developing bald spots (alopecia).

Right after I had Marlie, I went to see a loctitian to get locs because I no longer wanted to deal with my hair. She was so shocked by the condition of my scalp that she thought it was psoriasis. She also asked if I had lupus because she had seen the same problem in her clients who had lupus. I just brushed it off because I was so tired of hypothetical diagnoses. Plus, I was still hoping the issue would just go away on its own.

But I could not ignore the problem. I saw four different dermatologist between 2009 and 2010. Each one gave me his best educated guess about why my hair was falling out...from stress to hormones to hot combs. That last one pissed me off because I have never had a hot comb used on my hair. That particular doctor was so dismissive and his "diagnosis" was based on stereotypes about styling traditions of black, female hair. I plan to write him a scathing letter, but back to my story...

Losing my hair and getting pimples at my age is a traumatic experience. The problem was getting worse in recent months to where I could no longer cover up the balding areas on my head. I was ready to give up and started looking at wigs when I read this post by Quiana at Harlem Love Birds about how discoid lupus affects her hair and skin. Our symptoms were so similar that a light bulb went off in my head.

I went back to my original dermatologist (the one I saw when I was pregnant) and asked for a scalp biopsy. He said that he didn't perform them and gave me a referral. He did notice the red bumps on my face and said that it was probably hormones and gave me a prescription for a face cream. I threw that away, but I did call the doctor's office who did scalp biopsies. His fee was $580! I was appalled.

I did an Internet search for the best hair specialists in the Dallas area who performed scalp biopsies and took my insurance. I came up empty. I felt like someone had given me a balloon and then popped it. I felt down, but I wasn't out yet. I found the website for the local Lupus Foundation which had a physician referral list. I went down the list until I got an appointment for a scalp biopsy.

I went for the procedure the day before Thanksgiving. Damon went with me. Dr. Costner took a full medical profile, listened as I recalled my history of hair loss and past treatments prescribed, and she asked questions. I was so impressed because she didn't try to guess at the cause. Dr. Costner then removed a section of my scalp about the size of a pencil eraser after applying anesthesia. She also ordered a blood draw to have me screened for lupus. I went home feeling nervous, but hopeful.

Two weeks later I went back for my lab results. Dr. Costner applauded me for being tenacious because my lab tests confirmed an auto-immune disorder that caused my body to attack my hair follicles and skin. She called its name, Lichen Planopilaris, and said it's treatable with medication. I felt a mix of emotions...relief, fear, anger. I was comforted by the fact that I finally had a concrete answer, but I was also scared about the unknown, and I was mad at all the previous doctors who didn't think of it first.

So I am now pursuing treatment in hopes of growing back most of the hair I lost. Dr. Costner warned me that there are some areas that will not have regrowth due to scarring. I try not to think that these areas could have been saved if I had received the proper diagnosis and treatment years ago. I try to focus on moving forward and making sure I support my treatment with a proper diet and staying positive. I am also seeking ways to reduce stress because I know it only worsens my disorder.

Through all of this I learned a very important lesson...Doctors are only as good as their patients.

• You have to be aggressive when seeking medical help.
  
• Trust your instincts when they tell you something is wrong.
  
• Keep a journal of your symptoms and be detailed.
  
• Don't take no for an answers when you want to have a test done.
  
• You know yourself better than anybody, never let a professional dismiss your health complaints.
  
• Challenge a doctor's diagnosis that is not based on a lab result.
  
• Do your homework by researching community health sites and educate yourself so that you can have a meaningful conversation with your doctor.