|Source: iguana_nirvana14 under Creative Commons License|
Everything is a fight. I fight to get out of bed. I fight get through the day.
I also fight with my husband and 3 year-old.
I decided enough was enough. I am exhausted from holding onto to this pain. Mostly, I am deathly afraid that I am damaging my kids with my depression and fits of anger. I decided it was time to face my demons.
I had my first therapy appointment on Sunday. It was a revelation. She is not a therapist from the school of psychology/psychiatry. She is a spiritual healer, which is a laymen term for allopathic practitioner. She works with the body's energy field to stimulate awareness and promote healing.
My first session was incredible. I learned so much about why I feel so shitty. In a nutshell, having kids brought up all the negative feelings I had swept under a giant rug. When I gave birth to my children, I also pushed out these suppressed emotions. While this theory was not an epiphany, her approach to addressing my problems was refreshing. I felt understood, safe, un-judged.
I left feeling hopeful that I could reclaim my life. I also left with homework. I like homework because it forces me to practice what I am learning, and what I am learning is that the spoon does not bend, I have to bend. I am the spoon.
One of the assignments is to list 10 things I was to do for myself in the next month and try to do at least one of them each day. So, in an effort to hold myself accountable I am going to write them on my blog and you all can keep tabs on me:
- Finishing reading a book
- Go for a walk by myself at least once a week
- Brush and floss my teeth everyday
- Drink a cup of tea before bed
- Buy new clothes so I can discard my maternity clothes
- Apply for a job and not get disappointed if I'm not contacted for an interview
- Plan a girlfriends getaway
- Get a Mani/Pedi
- Reinstate spa Friday