Nano Poo Particles

I am so over poop.

Desmond is 18 months and he shows zero interest in potty training. I know boys don't reach this milestone as quickly as girls, so I don't expect him to be out of diapers by age 2. But the boy won't even communicate that he has eliminated. He doesn't pat his bottom and say poo-poo. He doesn't even walk funny as if it bothers him. He just continues to eat, play or whatever until I sniff him from across the room (I have a bloodhound's nose).

Which leads me to my original statement. I am so over poop. More specifically, I am tired of smelling poop. I once read an article that said the smell of poop is actually tiny molecules of fecal matter reaching your olfactory receptors. Double Ew. I freaked myself out thinking about nano particles of poop trapped in my nose hairs. That article seriously disturbed me.

By Camiech (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

I have been doing some internet research on how to gently coax little man onto the potty train or at least get him to let me know when he's soiled himself. Is there an app for that? I am open to advice. I need to figure out something pronto because he has started removing his dry diaper at night. He has already peed the crib twice. It's just a matter of time before we wake up to poo-smeared bedding. Then I will be scrubbing poo off the walls and thoughts of micro poo stuck in my nose from my mind. As my Jamaican grandmother would say, "Lawd take the case!"

Why is My Pediatrician Asking Me If I Own a Gun?

Something interesting happened at my preschooler's recent wellness exam. Dr. S started the visit by asking the usual questions about my child's development (how is her appetite? any behavioral issues that you are concerned about?).

Then she paused and said, "this next question is, um, awkward but I have to ask...is there a gun in your home?" [Note: she didn't say that answering this question was voluntary]

I was taken aback and sputtered out a defiant 'no.' Then immediately regretted it. In my rush to deflect any negative stereotyping I didn't stop to consider the sociopolitical and legal implications of this line of questioning. [If you think there are no hidden biases in healthcare, education and law enforcement, hold that thought until the next paragraph]

By U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Courtney Richardson [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I kept replaying the conversation in my head on the drive home, as I often do when I realize that I mishandled a situation. I am not a gun rights advocate, but I still felt my rights had been violated. I mentioned the exchange to my husband and he was puzzled too, especially when I told him about her thoughtful analysis of why I didn't have a gun in my home. Her exact words were: "that's interesting. I find that my parents who live in the flats and have been exposed to gun violence never own guns, but I find that parents who live in the hills are more likely to be gun owners." Okaaaay. Why did she assume that I have been exposed to gun violence?! Where does she think I grew up?! See how quickly her innocent question about gun ownership went merrily down the wrong path?

But I digress.

Hubby and I did some snooping and found the origins of this new question. According to snopes.com" On January 16, 2013 President Obama announced a list of 23 executive actions intended to address the issue of gun violence in the U.S., one of which is to "clarify that the Affordable Care Act does not prohibit doctors from asking patients about guns in the home." Nothing in the actions instruct doctors to ask patients either.

So it's not a law, it's a policy. One that seems to be loosely interpreted, adopted and applied by states in anticipation of Obamacare. It started in 2011 when Florida passed a preemptive law that barred doctors from asking about gun ownership except in specific cases such as if a patient was severely depressed or experiencing violence in the home. A federal judge stepped in and issued a permanent injunction on its enforcement and the state/NRA has been battling the medical community since.

I am pro gun control. Heck, I would love to travel back in time and prevent guns from ever being invented. But something about this gun ownership question rubs me the wrong way in its political charge. I understand physicians have a mandate to discuss hazards in the home with parents to ensure the safety of children. In light of statistics that show gun-related deaths among youth remain unacceptably high coupled with recent high-profile shootings of children it seems reasonable that firearms in the home would warrant scrutiny. But let's take a step back.

Are shootings among the top causes of accidental deaths in kids? According to this article, the leading causes of death from unintentional injury are: falls, poisoning, fires/burns, choking, and drowning. The pediatrician did not ask me if I used baby gates to block stairs. She did not ask me if I kept medication, household cleaners and other toxic chemicals secure. She did not ask me if I owned a fire extinguisher (although she did ask about smoke alarms and Carbon monoxide detectors). She did not ask if I knew the Heimlich and CPR.

My concern is that focus is shifting away from the major culprits of accidental deaths in kids in the interest of pacifying people like me who want gun control. Policies and laws governing the health and safety of our children should not be politically motivated because they tend to be toothless and risk having the opposite outcome. Parents came simply refuse to answer. That wouldn't be breaking the law. They can also lie. What parent is going to admit to keeping a loaded handgun in the unlocked nightstand? This policy is weak and pointless.

What do you think? I am off to sign up for a refresher CPR course.

Monday Morning Parenting: What To Do When You and Your Kid Have a Personality Conflict

Robert Bevan [Public domain]
via Wikimedia Commons

When my obstetrician confirmed my belief that my firstborn was going to be a girl my heart soared with joy, my mind filled with happy thoughts, and my spirit floated to cloud nine. I vowed we'd have a mother-daughter relationship to rival Hillary and Chelsea, Beyonce and Tina, Joan and Melissa!

My beautiful baby girl was born August 15, a numerical mirror of my birthday May 18, which I took as a symbol of how tight we'd be. I began daydreaming of all the things we'd do together...wear matching outfits, host tea parties for the teddy bears, read books under the covers. Later on, we'd have conversations with our foreheads touching and shop for her prom dress. I even built a blog around my great expectations.

Then my daughter turned 1, and she became a little person complete with her own developing identity and individual personality. Imagine my shock (and horror) that she was the opposite of me in almost every way. I'm introverted, she's extroverted. I'm low energy, she's high energy. I'm a neat freak, she likes to get messy. I'm a homebody, she's a social butterfly. I'm a people-pleaser, she does what she pleases. You get the point.

Our divergent personalities became more pronounced as she got older. I would want to snuggle on the couch reading books and she would get fidgety after two minutes because she can't stand to sit still. Things came to a head when she was about 2.5 years old. Our personalities were constantly clashing and I inwardly lamented that we'd never be close. Then her preschool teacher recommended a book that changed my outlook and changed the course our relationship. How to Raise Your Spirited Child opened my eyes to a new world of parental engagement. I learned how to work with my daughter's personality type and our interactions have improved.

But our differences still cause problems sometimes. Marlie is a button-pusher, sassy, and possesses a self-confidence that borders on obnoxious. I find myself being unnerved by these qualities because they are so not me. After one particular exhausting day of butting heads, I put my psychology hat on and came up with two solutions:

• Find common ground: Even "odd couples" have things in common. Luckily for me and my daughter, I didn't have to dig deep to find our shared interests. We both like reading, creating art, and running. I make sure we bond over these activities. When we engage in activities that we both enjoy there is no tension or resentment and everyone is fulfilled.


• Find a surrogate: When the gap between you and your child seems so wide that you cannot imagine a way to bridge it, find someone or something to fill in. For me that person is my daughter's father. They are very much alike so he can relate to her better on many levels. Am I jealous? I used to be, but now I am relieved that she has someone in her life who understands her. I also enrolled her in preschool and extracurricular activities so that she is getting her social needs met because I'd spend all day curled up on the couch with a book if it were up to me.
  

Are you and your kid(s) alike or different? How do you bond?

Monday Morning Parenting: Dear Mom Guilt,

Dear Mom Guilt, 

I am going to get straight to the point. 

I am breaking up with you. 

By Yoo Chung (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

This may come as a shock to you since we have become tight in the past two months during a very stressful cross-country move with an infant and toddler. I was worried about uprooting my family. I was afraid that I traumatized my little girl by ripping her away from her school community and the only friends she's ever known. My doubts were redoubled when I made a misstep with the first new school I picked for her and I could only scare up two kids to attend her birthday party. You have been my constant companion through all of the transitions and adjustments.
But you are suffocating me. I feel you squeezing my gut every time I make the the wrong mom move. You hover over my head like a dark cloud ready to strike me with lighting when I fail as a parent. You make me second guess my instincts, which is my most powerful tool as a mom. I can't have you emasculating me. So, like all bad relationships, our "friendship" has to come to an end. 
 
I came to this conclusion after realizing that my kids are more resilient than I give them credit for, that I am more resourceful and stronger than I give myself credit for. I was not doing anyone any favors by letting you eat away at me. My kids are healthy and happy and thriving. That is all that matters. 

We may still run into each other in passing, but I can't hang out with you anymore. There is just no room for you in my life. I am ready to move on and be a happy mom who embraces being good enough.

Back 2 School Bash Giveaway: "Talking to Toddlers" Audio Parenting Program

Back 2 School can be an overwhelming! I know you want to avoid the shopping crowds as much as I do, so why not score some school supplies from the comfort of your computer?!

Welcome to the Back2School Bash! This event is hosted by Andersons Angels, MomVantage, Mommy of One and Counting & Joy of Momma Joyner. This Event features everything under the sun you’ll need to send your kiddos Back to School. Be sure to visit each blog from the linky below and enter for your chance to win some really amazing prizes! The event ends on August 12th at 11:59pm EST.

There is also a Grand Prize of $30 PayPal Cash!!!

My giveaway is for a digital download of "Talking to Toddlers: Dealing with the Terrible Twos and Beyond" a $67 value! Read my Review. This course helps parents:

• Avoid temper tantrums 
• Reduce parenting stress 
• Laugh more, and cry less 
• Feel like I’m in control again!

a Rafflecopter giveaway 
Start hopping for more chances to win Back to School Bash prizes...

Monday Morning Parenting: Is Teasing Bullying?

What got me asking this question started with the May 21, 2012 issue of TIME magazine featuring a model-mom breastfeeding her 3-year-old son with the confrontational title, "Are You Mom Enough?" The inflammatory cover sparked a heated debate across the world wide web and most of the flames ignited in the mommy blogosphere. While there were calls to be civil and not to play into the "mommy wars," there was a sinister aspect to some of the reactions that was largely overlooked, except by Alexia at Babies and Bacon who called it out immediately. Smart lady.

I am talking about comments that ranged from, "that poor boy is going to be teased relentlessly" to "that kid will never be able to show his face on a playground!" One mother left a comment on a blog that her son said something to this effect when he saw the magazine photo. It struck me as odd that a mother would use her son's ill-informed reaction as an argument to justify her beef with the magazine cover, but  what really rubbed me the wrong way that she obviously agreed with him and said nothing in her post about correcting him. In essence, she condoned his belief that it's okay to pick on people with different lifestyle choices. People, people, people...teasing is bullying.




This mother missed an opportunity to teach her son a valuable lesson about tolerance, one that is essential to our kids character development and goes a long way toward preventing bullying. The lesson is that some people look, act, think different from us and that is okay. We don't have to like it, but we do have to respect it. I imagined conversations about that TIME magazine cover between parents and their children taking place in hundreds, even thousands, of households and I wonder how many of the adults made comments ridiculing the mother and son in the photo. Children get their first social cues from their parents and imitate them. All the anti-bullying programs in the world will not work unless the mindset change is also happening in the home.

There is some old-fashioned way of thinking that undermines our ability to solve the bullying epidemic (and, yes, it's become an epidemic when victims of bullying are committing suicide at alarming rates). One belief is that teasing is just kids being kids and it's a harmless rite of passage. This could not be further from the truth. Believe me, words can hurt just as much as a fist. The emotional scars from being teased are real and take a long time to heal.

The next time you have a witty barb or backhanded compliment on the tip of your tongue ready to make fun of someone stop and think about the message you are sending to your kids. We must do better so that our kids will know better. Parents have the real power to put an end to bullying.

My Childbirth Influences and Experience: From my Foremothers to Erykah Badu #blackbirth

Welcome to the First Edition of the Black Birth Carnival. Hosted by Darcel of The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe and Nicole of Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife. Our first topic is Birthing While Black: A Historical Perspective. At the end of this post you will find a list of links to the other participants. Some of these posts may contain Emotional Triggers and will be labeled at the beginning of the post.

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My mother and her mother are from a small Caribbean island called Jamaica. Maybe you’ve heard of it. My grandmother gave birth to six live children at home in rural St. Elizabeth Parish. Her own mother or the village midwife assisted with each delivery. Doctors were expensive, far away, and only fetched for in cases of emergency. A woman in labor was not considered a medical condition in need of doctor care. My grandmother birthed six healthy children who grew up and had kids of their own. My mother was her fourth child. Mommy also gave birth to six live children, but in the United States. 
I am the oldest, born in the defunct Fordham Hospital in Bronx, NY. My sister after me was born in a Manhattan hospital and the rest of my siblings were all born in hospitals in Miami. 

I am more than a little curious to know how a family goes from midwife-assisted home birth to doctor-administered hospital birth in one generation. Immigration and assimilation are two obvious answers, but I think it goes deeper. In rural, impoverished Jamaica my grandmother had no choice. In America, where doctors are plentiful and easily accessible, even for the poor, I cannot imagine my grandmother encouraging my mother to deliver at home under the supervision of a midwife. It was a symbol of “moving on up” to give birth in a hospital, especially a private one. It’s what any old-school Jamaican woman from “de yard” would want for her daughter. 

Even in a hospital setting with all its medical technology and procedures available to her, my mother maintained an old-fashioned outlook on birth, particularly that it was a natural process that women’s body were built to perform. She eschewed epidurals and other medical interventions during all her births. All six of us were born naturally, promptly breastfed (for varying lengths of time), and raised with a natural parenting style. Growing up, I remember our meals were always home-cooked and heavy with fresh vegetables. There was never junk food in our cupboards and we didn’t eat fast food except on rare occasions. My mom kept an arsenal of homeopathic remedies to treat every childhood ailment from whooping cough to ringworm. We only went to the doctor for our annual check-up and received the minimum required vaccines to attend school. Chickenpox was considered a childhood rite of passage. 

When I became pregnant with my first child, I wanted to follow in the footsteps of my foremothers and continue the tradition of natural birth and parenting. So I was beyond surprised by mommy’s and grandma’s reaction to my birth choices. On my decision to give birth naturally at a birthing center with a midwife…“Is that going to be safe? What happens if something goes wrong?” On my decision to breastfeed past six months…“you should add formula so you can get a break.” On my decision to cloth diaper…“why do you want to create more work for yourself?” 

I chalked up the rude questions and comments to maternal concern. No mother wants to see her daughter in pain or suffering. I forged ahead with my birth plan, which wasn’t executed according to my vision but achieved the desired outcome. During the first 10 hours I was in labor I kept picturing my grandmother squatting in her bedroom and pushing out six babies. Surely, I could do it at least once! When it was time to push I wanted to squat too, but my midwife, a former nurse, insisted I lie on my back and lean forward. She didn’t respect my instincts and she certainly didn’t understand my need to spiritually connect with my roots. After several attempts to do it her way, I was transported to a hospital at the 11th hour because my baby girl was in distress. When I arrived I was greeted by a black, female obstetrician who took my hand and said, “let’s go get your baby.” A sense of peace washed over me as she led me to the labor and delivery room. Inside, a squadron of nurses were busily preparing trays of medical tools and the feeling of dread returned. The OB examined me, said my baby needed to be turned, and politely asked if I would like an epidural.” I honestly wavered for a minute, bust said no. The OB reached in and gave my baby a quarter turn, and my daughter arrived two pushes later. It hurt like hell, but I’d do it all over again to bring her into this world 100% au natural. The pain quickly evaporated in the euphoria of holding my daughter and nursing her for the first time. 

I have never discussed my first birth experience from a racial perspective. I’m not saying that the white midwife was incapable of delivering black babies, but she was culturally incompetent. For example, when she asked to touch my natural hair during an appointment or when she chastised my pregnancy smallness with the comment that, “black women usually don’t have a problem gaining weight,” it put a divide in our relationship and hung a cloud of suspicion in my mind. I think I carried these misgivings into my labor on a subconscious level. Could I have said something? Yes, but it’s not my job to point out her racial insensitivity or reprogram her ignorance. A more aware professional would have recognized what a huge milestone natural childbirth was for a black woman in today’s society. She would have embraced my color by recommending books for me to read or sharing copies of articles by black midwives. After all, among the small percentage of women who are opting for natural childbirth in this country, black women are an even smaller, um, minority. 

Overall, I am filled with pride when I recall my birth story. I feel like I have drawn another notch on my maternal lineage and brought my heritage full circle. I can’t help but think about the black women during slavery who gave birth in cotton fields without pain meds, slung their newborns on their backs and kept picking or the mammies who nursed their master’s children. I wholeheartedly believe their spirit and strength is in the blood of every modern black woman. Natural childbirth and breastfeeding is a part of our history that we should embrace. Too many of us are surrendering our bodies and babies to modern science (formula), miseducation (a hospital is the only safe place to give birth), and myths (breastfeeding spoils babies). I am all for a woman choosing to give birth and raise her child the way she sees fit as long as she is making an informed decision. I applaud midwives and doulas like Erykah Badu who are reaching out to the African-American community and providing real birth education and offering alternative birth options.

I am currently preparing for the birth of my second child any day now and my first prayer is to deliver a healthy baby, but a close second prayer is for another natural birth.
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Please take time to read the other submissions for the Black Birth Carnival. These are very touching, thought-provoking posts

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Nicole - Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife: Our History Does Not Have To Be Our Future Darcel - The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe: What Happened To Our Strength? Takiema - Connect Formation Consulting: Black & Still Birthing - A Deeply Personal Post Teresha - Marlie and Me: My Childbirth Influences and Experiences: From my Foremothers to Erykah Badu Denene - My Brown Baby: Birthing While Black In The Jim Crow South Stole My Grandmother: Thankfully, Things Change Olivia - The Student Midwife: Birthing While Black: A Historical Perspective of Black Midwives Chante - My Natural Motherhood Journey: Homebirth Stories

Simple Baby Etiquette to Prevent RSV Disease

This post was tough for me to write because tragedy struck a fellow mommy blogger a couple of weeks ago when she lost her youngest son to this very disease. RSV stands for respiratory syncytial virus, which is like the common cold but can lead to serious complications and even death. Almost every baby will contract RSV by age 2, but only 1/3 of moms say they’ve heard of the virus. That's because most babies with fight off the infection and recover without the parents being any wiser. Symptoms of serious RSV infection include: persistent coughing or wheezing; rapid, difficult, or gasping breaths; blue color on the lips, mouth, or under the fingernails; high fever; extreme fatigue; and difficulty feeding. Parents should contact a medical professional immediately upon signs of these symptoms. There is no treatment for RSV, so it’s important for parents to take preventive steps to help protect their child. 

What can you do to prevent RSV? As parents, you are your baby's first line of defense. Wash hands, toys, bedding frequently; avoid crowds and cigarette smoke. It's also important to enforce baby etiquette to protect infants from serious infections like RSV, especially if they were born premature or with another complication that increases their risk. I am not a confrontational person at all, but I did turn into a mama bear when we had visitors and when I took my newborn out in public. I stashed hand sanitizer in all the rooms and asked family and friends to use it. I also told strangers point blank not to touch my baby. I didn't care if people got offended, but it's not so easy for some parents to communicate their uneasiness about human contact with their newborn. Here is an open letter designed to help new parents respectfully discuss baby etiquette with others:

We all love new babies and want to meet them, but we also have to be aware that they are vulnerable. So remember these tips when a loved one has a new baby: 

• Call before you visit. New parents need time to set up a routine and bond. By giving them time to do so before you visit, you are respecting the new family. 
• Postpone a visit if you feel that you may be getting sick, have recently been ill or exposed to illness. 
• Remember that parents know best. If you feel they are being overprotective or overly cautious, just consider that only they know what’s best for the health of their new son or daughter. 
• Offer to do something to ease their responsibilities as they spend time as a family, such as laundry, cooking or dishes. Sleep-deprived moms and dads will appreciate your help! 

If you do schedule a visit with a new baby: 

• Wash your hands frequently—upon entering the home and especially prior to holding the baby. Parents, and the new baby, will appreciate it. 
• Leave toddlers at home, especially during the winter months. Young children, especially if they attend day care or preschool, often carry germs and viruses, like RSV, that are easily spread.

I wrote this post while participating in a blog tour by Mom Central Consulting on behalf of MedImmune 

Monday Morning Parenting: Gone Shopping

Before I became a mom, shopping was one of my favorite pastimes. I liken it to a game of checkers. It's most fun when done with a best pal, hopscotching from store to store together trying to score the best finds, the rush of emerging victorious in your hunt for the perfect cocktail dress.

Now with a kid in tow, shopping is more like going into battle. I have to do a lot of pre-planning, there is no such thing as impulse shopping anymore. My objective is to get in and get out with no tears or bloodshed and without leaving any men behind.

Take, for example, a trip to Target which used to be one of my favorite places to shop. I never noticed how diabolical that store is until I shopped there with a toddler. There is danger lurking around every corner-the brightly-colored Dollar Spot, the toy section, the snack section, and the grandaddy of them all...checkout aisle. You think you'd be safe in the checkout line, but wrong-o. The aisle is packed with candy bars and gadgets that look like toys and so you have a potential a hostage situation on your hands. It takes only a few seconds before I hear, "Mommy! I want that!," which loosely translated means, "give me that bag of chips or else I will throw a Level 10 temper tantrum right here in line and embarrass the crap out of you."

Luck for me, I don't negotiate with terrorists.

Also lucky for me, I learn quickly. It took one hair-raising shopping experience before I understood that I needed to train myself to be a shopper-mom. I had to acquire a new shopper skills set such as memorizing the layout of every store so I can avoid the pitfalls, keeping my child occupied with holding the shopping list because "helping mommy" is her thing, saying no to every well-intentioned employee (and sometimes stranger) who offers my child a lollipop, balloon, or sample of whatever sugary drink they are shilling. If I could toss my money down a special chute and make a mad dash for the exit, I'd be home free. But the checkout aisle always waits like a bear trap.

What are your tips for a successful shopping trip with the kids?

Toddler Talk Tuesday: Torpedo That Tantrum

One of the most useful skills I have picked up as a parent is becoming an expert at anticipation. Anticipation is all about heading off disaster at the path. Example: diaper blowout at the mall...no problemo! You always carry an extra set of clothes! See what I mean?

Preparation is the mother of anticipation. Like all good mothers, you have to see into the future and have eyes on the back of your head because you have to be ready for when the unexpected strikes. Except you were expecting it, and you planned accordingly!

This skill is supremely helpful when dealing with temper tantrums. Toddlers are to tantrums what was Jimmy Hendrix was to music art: prolific and loud. You can prevent many tantrums if you learn to recognize your toddler's triggers and you can nip a tantrum in the bud with some handy tricks.

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I've noticed the three main causes if tantrums are boredom, tiredness, and frustration. Some tips to avoid these situations:

• Provide toddler with meaningful tasks. Marlie gets bored easily when I am cooking/cleaning in the kitchen. She has her own helper station to keep her occupied. I give her vegetables to wash and utensils to put away. She has her own spray bottle to clean off and set her table. I keep her busy and she stays calm.
• Make sure toddler is getting enough rest. I know a tantrum is not far off when Marlie wakes up too early or doesn't take a nap. I have become the sleep enforcer. If she wakes up at 5 am, I put that baby back to sleep!
• Give toddler tools to communicate. Many times Marlie gets upset when she is trying to tell me something that I am misinterpreting. Teaching her sign language has kept these tantrums to a minimum.
  

Sometimes a tantrum happens despite our best efforts. In these cases, I have these tricks up my sleeve:

• The art of misdirection. Say, for example, Marlie doesn't want to leave the park and is throwing a hissy fit. I tell her that the dog is hungry and we have to go home to feed him. I take the focus off what she can no longer do (play at the park) and redirect her attention to something else she loves to do.
• Try a little attention. Sometimes Marlie is in a temper because she is feeling neglected. In this case, and only in this case, I will pick her up and hug her. She usually calms down in 5 minutes.
• Do the thing you want them to do. You ask your toddler to a) pick up her toys b) eat his vegetables c) got to bed. "I don't want to!" is the response you get in between the screaming and flip-flopping on the floor. One evening Marlie refused to brush her teeth before bed. I calmly picked up my toothbrush and started brushing my teeth. A few seconds later she was reaching for her own toothbrush.
• Ignore it. When the tantrum has reached radioactive meltdown proportions, it's time to walk away. This one is hard for me to do. Sometimes I want to negotiate, bribe, lecture, or throw my own tantrum. But I have learned to walk away. I calmly tell the diva that we can talk after she's calmed down then I go into another room and do something else. She finds me and when she has worked it out of her system.

What about you? What works for you when dealing with toddler tantrums?

[Guest Post] Early Childhood Sign Language

Co-written by Emily Patterson and Kathleen Thomas

One of the keys to surviving in a tilted economic system in which opportunities to achieve a decent standard of living will be limited is versatility – and the ability to communicate articulately in a variety of ways with the widest possible audience. This includes bilingual ability as well as the ability to communicate in non-verbal ways for the benefit of the disabled – primarily the deaf.

Signing Before They Can Speak

A great deal of research has clearly demonstrated that the best ages to teach a second language (where it be sign language or Spanish) is from the ages of 2 to 5. Many young children have a natural aptitude for signing as well. This can begin at home or if your child is enrolled in a child care facility, many programs have begun to incorporate it into their curriculum.

This is not as odd as you may think. As you may or may not know, many indigenous peoples around the world, including American Indian nations, have used sign language for centuries to facilitate communication with other tribes with whom they do not share a language.

In fact, recent research suggests that sign language is innate. An article published in the Boulder Daily Camera in 2003 presented strong evidence that children as young as six months old naturally communicate with their hands:

"...by 6 to 7 months, babies can remember a sign. At eight months, children
can begin to imitate gestures and sign single words. By 24 months, children
can sign compound words and full sentences. They say sign language reduces
frustration in young children by giving them a means to express themselves
before they know how to talk." (Glarion, 2003)

The author also cites study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development demonstrating that young children who are taught sign language at an early age actually develop better verbal skills as they get older.

The Best Time To Start

Pre-verbal youngsters having the ability to sign not only give them a way to communicate, it can also strengthen the parent-child bond – in addition to giving children a solid foundation for learning a skill that will serve them well in the future. The evidence suggests that the best time to start learning ASL is before a child can even walk – and the implications for facilitating the parent-child relationship are amazing.

Emily and Kathleen are Communications Coordinators for the network of Georgia child care facilities belonging to the AdvancED® accredited family of Primrose child care schools. Primrose Schools are located in 16 states throughout the U.S. and are dedicated to delivering progressive, early childhood, Balanced Learning® curriculum throughout their preschools.

Monday Morning Parenting: When You Can't Agree About Holiday Traditions

This really ought be a Flashback Friday post because it dates back to this little gem I wrote last year about my distaste for the commercial Christmas culture and its pop star Santa Claus.

At the beginning of this holiday season my feelings hadn't budged. I held firm to my principle that Marlie was going to learn the true meaning of Christmas...Jesus Christ, faith, hope, charity. Santa was going to be, at best, a footnote.

I thought Damon and I were on the same page, especially when he declared that he would never want to take Marlie to the mall to sit on some stranger's lap. Then he flipped the script. We were on our way home from a party a couple of weeks ago when the Santa subject came up.

I said something like: boy am I glad we are not going to tell Marlie that Santa brings her presents for Christmas.

His (totally unexpected) reply was: I don't agree with that. I think believing in Santa is part of the joy and wonder of being a little kid.

I was completely blindsided. I thought we were in agreement about the Santa issue. Needless to say, we have been fighting debating about it ever since. I even proposed a compromise---we tell her about Santa as a bedtime story and we make it clear that he is a fictional character. But nooo, he wants the whole hog (except for actually taking her to see Santa, which makes no sense to me. If you are going to buy into the whole Santa hoopla don't you have to go all the way?).

So, were are at a standstill. Each side has dug in his/her heels and luckily there is no rush to resolve this disagreement since Marlie is still blissfully unaware of Christmas. I know our own childhood experiences fuel this argument. I didn't grow up believing in Santa, but he did. I see his point of view though, especially after watching the last episode of GLEE featuring a 16-year-old cheerleader who never stopped believing in Santa. Then I see Internet ads like these and I can imagine the excitement a child feels knowing that Santa is coming to town:



I might be softening my stance a little, but only a teeny bit. I say let Marlie decide. When she asks about Christmas, we drop the Santa bait and see if she swallows it hook, line and sinker. If Marlie wants to believe in Santa, I won't stand in her way. I can co-exist with Santa on two conditions:

1. We make Jesus and doing charitable works the center of how we celebrate Christmas.
   
2. Marlie understands that Santa brings one special gift and that her family worked hard and put a lot of thought into buying the bulk of her presents.

See how I'm not a total Grinch?!

Monday Morning Parenting: Natural Relief for the Terrible Tooths

You know when it comes to aches and pains I'm going to seek natural remedies, so it should come as no surprise that I practice the same philosophy when it comes to treating Marlie's ouchies. Here's what's in my toolkit for teething pain relief:

1. amber teething necklace
2. maple wood teething ring
   
3. homeopathic teething tablets
4. 1 drop of clove oil diluted in 1 tbsp of olive oil rubbed on gum to numb pain
5. wrap an ice cube in a washcloth and let baby suckle
   

Monday Morning Parenting: Sex and the Baby

WARNING: This post is about sex. No one really wants to talk about, but I do.

The most focused amount of sex me and the husband unit ever had was when we were making a baby. They say practice makes perfect. It never occurred to me to video tape our love-making for posterity's sake. I'm mostly kidding, but there is a small kernel of truth to my wistful thinking. If I had known that those six months of TTC were going to be "it" for awhile, I would have given careful consideration to becoming a video vixen. I could be watching myself doing "it" instead of just wishing I was doing "it."

There were so many hurdles to overcome to regain a normal sex life post-baby. For me, the first problem was atrophic vaginitis, which is basically a lack of lubrication caused by plummeting estrogen levels. It feels so much worse than it sounds, like tiny razor blades nicking you on the insides during intercourse. I had to use an estrogen cream for several weeks. Once I got over that I faced another obstacle...

Low self-esteem. My body did not feel or look like my own. The muscle and tissues in my pelvic region were still in recovery, my breasts had become a feeding trough, and let's not even talk about the sagging, stretch mark-pocked landscape of my abdomen. These were small sacrifices in the name of giving birth to the joy of my life, but I did not anticipate the physiological and psychological fallout. It was as if a seismic tremor had split me in two and it was hard to reconcile the two parts...woman and mother. Where did my baby's need to nurse and bond end and my need for intimacy and pleasure begin? I did not feel sexy, much less like having sex. It took a lot of lot of mental and physical exercise, but I was finally able to find balance in the bedroom and then...

I was hit with chronic lethargy. I am already low-energy due to an anemic disorder, so couple that with a lack of sleep, and I am too tired to do the nasty. Who wants a 2 am booty call when you're fighting for every last zzz? Even when I mustered up the strength to get busy, the baby would inevitably start crying from the other room. I think she has motion sensors hidden in our bed that alert her when her parents are about to get their freak on. Nothing kills the mood for me like a crying baby. But eventually, I found ways around this problem as well like scheduling mommy-daddy time during her REM cycle.

It has taken a full year to hit my sexual stride after having a baby. I don't know if this is average or not. We talk about everything else when it comes to TTC, pregnancy, labor and delivery and baby care, but we fail to have candid conversations with each other about sex after the baby. What is that about? Are we supposed to stop needing/wanting it because we've procreated? I wish there was a manual for this topic, like a What to Expect Out of Sex When You Are Done Expecting.

Care to share your struggles and triumphs to achieve a healthy sex life after having a baby?

Monday Morning Parent: My Baby's Veggie Tales

You should see/hear the reactions we get when we tell people that we are raising Marlie as a vegetarian. Most of it is simple curiosity, like how does she get her protein? I realize we live in America where beef is king (or is it chicken?) and that meat is a diet staple in this country. But it is a big misconception that human children or adults need to eat meat for sustenance. I am not bashing meat-eaters. Hey, I eat it too...although in better qualities and far less quantities than I used to. My point is that meat is a dietary choice not a dietary necessity, not to mention the negative impact that large-scale meat production has on our environment. I'll end my preaching there.

It's not hard to prepare vegetarian meals that provide the nourishment that your child's growing body needs. You will need to educate yourself about food and buy a good cookbook. A meatless diet doesn't have to be boring or restrictive. For example, I make (un)fries instead of french fries by boiling a potato, cutting it french-style, coating the pieces in olive or coconut oil, and baking until crisp. Even fruit and veggies can be fun! I smear almond butter on sliced pears, drizzle yogurt on bananas, and sprinkle grounded flax seeds on sweet potatoes. I also experiment with smoothies by mixing greens and fruit with almond or coconut milk for a refreshing treat packed with vitamins and minerals!

Here is a sample of Marlie's daily menu:

Breakfast: scrambled egg, porridge, fruit, almond/coconut milk
Morning Snack: fruit, almond/coconut milk
Lunch: organic Greek yogurt, vegetable, breastmilk
Afternoon Snack: fruit or vegetable*, water
Dinner: beans, vegetable, almond/coconut milk
*fruits and vegetables are bought fresh (preferably organic and locally grown), cooked or ripened to soften, then cut into spears or cubed so she can hold it and feed herself.

Here is a list of Marlie's favorite foods and some of the nutrients they provide:

• almond butter: iron, calcium, protein, riboflavin, folate, Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids
  
• almond milk: calcium, vitamin D, vitamin E, manganese, selenium, Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids
  
• apples: fiber, vitamin C
  
• avocados: fiber, protein, vitamin C, vitamin K, vitamin B6, folate, potassium, magnesium
  
• bananas: vitamin B6, vitamin C, potassium
• beets: vitamin C, fiber, iron, folate, manganese
  
• blueberries: vitamin C, vitamin , manganese (also good source of antioxidants)
  
• carrots: vitamin A
  
• chickpeas/hummus: protein, fiber, iron, folate, manganese,
  
• coconut milk: vitamin B12, vitamin D (also a good source of medium chain fatty acids)
  
• eggs: vitamin B12
• kale: vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin K
  
• mangoes: vitamin A, vitamin C
• oatmeal, protein, fiber, iron, thiamin, Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids
• peaches: vitamin A, vitamin C, potassium
  
• pears: fiber, vitamin C
  
• pinto beans: protein, fiber, iron, folate
  
• potatoes: fiber, protein, iron, vitamin C, vitamin B6, potassium
  
• quinoa cereal: protein, iron, fiber, folate, manganese
• spinach: vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin K, iron, calcium, protein
  
• sweet potatoes: fiber, iron, protein, vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin B6
  
• tomatoes: vitamin A, vitamin C, potassium
  
• yogurt (Greek-style): protein, calcium (also a good source of probiotics)
  

There are some foods that we let Marlie have occasionally, but I call these the seldom/rarely foods:

• bread (whole grain or sprouted)
  
• cheese
• chips (blue corn tortilla)
• corn/corn grits
  
• fruit juices
• ginger cookies/arrowroot teething biscuits
• pancakes
• pasta
  
• popcorn
• rice
  

Not ready to convert yet? Try a meatless day or two with your family. Happy eating!

Disclaimer: I am not a professional dietitian or a nutritionist. Consult your family physician about making dietary changes. Please be mindful that some foods such as eggs and nuts are not recommended for babies under a year old. Always introduce new foods one at a time and watch for allergic reactions. Report any suspected food allergies to your child's pediatrician.

Monday Morning Parent: To Wean or Not to Wean...THAT is the ?

Marlie is 13 months old this week. She is still nursing. That in of itself is not a problem. I feel truly blessed that I have been able to breastfeed this long and my plan is/was to keep going until she is 2. The issue is with nursing on demand.

I had a (naive) vision of nursing her 3 times a day once she turned 1...once after breakfast, once before nap time, and once before bedtime. Marlie swiftly and deftly blew my plans to smithereens.

If she needs it in the morning or the middle of the night, she ain't 2 proud 2 beg...if you catch my drift (10 cool points if you got the TLC reference). She wants to breastfeed when she is thirsty (um, hello there are two sippy cups right in front of you!), when she is sleepy, fussy, teething, bored, so forth and so on. I can't walk past her without her making the sign for nursing, motioning to be lifted up, and then pulling at my shirt. Most of the time she is not even technically eating, just soothing for a couple minutes and she's off.

I am starting to think it's time to start weaning her now before things really get out of control. She has a knack for asking for my breast while I am in the middle of something (shopping, cooking, exercising, making out with her daddy). I am living la vida interruptus!

So all you breastfeeding mamas out there...help! What is up with Marlie wanting to nurse 8 times a day? When did you know it was time to wean? How did you do it? Anyone successfully switch their breastfeeding babies from on-demand to a schedule?

Monday Morning Parenting: Mothers as Martyrs

I guess it's part of our culture as humans to put certain classes of people up on pedestals--movie stars, models...mothers. I have been straining under the weight of the motherhood mantle lately. The one where I am supposed to take care of my baby, keep my home immaculate, prepare a perfect dinner every night, make sure my husband gets some on the regular while maintaining perfectly coiffed hair, impeccable make-up, a fit body and wearing a cute sweater and tan pants. It's a voice that chants it's your job to do it all and make it look easy. The expectations are too high, unrealistic and practically inhumane. I would have to be superhuman to do it all. Oh, that's where the term supermom come from. Bump that foolishness. I am getting out of the trap.

See it's also our nature as humans to tear down those whom we build up. Read any comic books series and you'll see what I mean. I can't hop two feet on the Internet without tripping over an article vilifying mothers for doing a poor job of child-rearing. We pay our kids too little attention, we don't feed them the right foods, we don't engage them in the right enrichment activities, the list goes on. A mother can literally go insane trying to live up to a standard that is a moving target, and she will never be perfect. Accept that.

Which brings me to mommy guilt. I have read about mothers who feel bad when they buy themselves new clothes or go back to work because they feel their kid(s) are being robbed of something. So we get in the habit of sacrificing. We give up the manicures, the girls night out, the career. But the truth is that the price of too much self-sacrificing is very high. Your identity, even your sanity can quickly vanish in the name of giving your all to your child(ren).

You might wonder where all this is coming from. Last Monday I had a mommy meltdown (probably the first of many) brought on by exhaustion from being overworked. That day I did my usual with Marlie (fed her, played with her, put her down for her naps) and my usual chores (washed cloth diapers, cleaned the bathroom, tidied up the kitchen). Then evening came and Damon was not around to take over. I had to put Marlie to bed which is normally his thing. After a marathon day, I was not equipped to handle her resistance to going to sleep. From 6 pm to 10 am she put up a fight and was winning the battle. At one point, I plopped her down in her play yard and just started screaming. She was so frightened that she started to shake and cry. Then I started to cry. I went downstairs for a timeout. I was ashamed of myself. I had scared my baby. I scared myself. I felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness because there was no one around to help me. I kept thinking this is not how it should be.

I was able to collect myself after calling Damon and I eventually got her to sleep, but I didn't get much rest that night. The same feelings of guilt and incompetence kept washing over me in waves. I recognized the feeling. It was burn out. I realized that I had to get off this supermom train that was destined for martyrdom. One resolution is that I am no longer going to spend entire days alone with Marlie when Damon goes out of town. The other is for me to get some more time out of the house doing stuff that makes me happy (not running errands or grocery shopping or chauffeuring Marlie to play dates).

I am not vying for sainthood. I am only human. I am a mother.

Monday Morning Parenting: To Be An Only Child or Not To Be An Only Child

Marlie is turning 1 next month and that has got me thinking about another baby. I'll pause while some of you clap and some of you wipe the coffee off your computer screen. Okay. May I continue now?

Let me start off by saying that I don't get why people have such strong opinions on how many children you should have. From what I gather the rule of thumb is more than one, but less than four otherwise you get labeled an Octomom. Who gives a squirrel's tail if you have one or ten kids as long as they are healthy and happy?!

Anyway....Damon and I made the very conscious decision to wait until we were at least 30 to start a family. This choice gave us the freedom to establish our careers, complete graduate degrees, save money, travel extensively and do pretty much what we wanted, when we wanted. But we never discussed when we'd complete our family, and now that I'm approaching 35 I think that should be the cutoff.

I also want at least 2 years separating my kids if I had more than one child. If I want a second child before I'm 35 with at least a two-year gap, I would need to start the baby making like yesterday! Don't go getting all excited, because the truth is...I'm not ready. The more I think about having another baby next year, the more I realize that it would only happen to stick to some arbitrary timeline. But I have to be realistic because, at 34, my eggos are not going to wait much longer for me to be "ready." That's a lot of pressure!

I stand behind my belief that the decision to have more children should be based on readiness, not a schedule (or public opinion). I honestly feel like our family is complete for now and I don't see that changing within a year's time. Do I worry that I will change my mind at 37 or 38 and run into that brutal, brick wall better known as infertility? Sure I do, but that's not going to push me into getting pregnant sooner than later. Do I fret about Marlie being an only child. No, not really. I am the oldest of six children and I always say that siblings are overrated.

Is it wacko to only want one child? What do you think?

Tip(ful) Tuesday: Renew Baby's Interest in Played-Out Toys

photo credit: jbcurio/CC 2.0

Marlie has very few toys compared to other babies. This is on purpose. I personally don't believe kids need a ton of toys. Reason one: they are usually made of toxic, non-biodegradable material that glut our landfills. Reason two: kids always prefer playing with your keys, remote control, and pots and pans anyway. Reason two: kids get bored with toys really fast.

Case in point, I bought Marlie a developmental plush bunny toy when she was around 6 months old. It had textured paws and crinkly ears. She loved that stupid thing...for about a month. It didn't surprise me that she suddenly lost interest in it, but I was shocked when she started showing outright contempt for poor bunny. She would toss the bunny out of her crib like a used up Kleenex.

So I put Mr. Bunny away and kept him out of her sight for about a month. I recently introduced the bunny into her toy rotation and it was like she was seeing him for the first time! Eureka! This probably only works on babies.

Monday Morning Parenting: Spare the Rod...What Rod?!

I remember the fear of a spanking was enough to keep me in line and on the rare occasion that I overstepped that line, a warning look from my mom was enough to stop me dead in my tracks. This seems to be a lost art in today's parenting culture. I thought I wouldn't have to think about disciplining my child until she was at least a year old. But, as with other developmental milestones, she seems to be ahead of schedule. Marlie is showing early signs of misbehavior like shaking her head no when you tell her to give you whatever she's hiding in her hands or flailing her limbs and screeching like a banshee if you take something away from her or turning into dead weight when she doesn't want to be picked up.

One of my greatest fears is being THAT mother. You are familiar with her. She's the frazzled mom at the grocery store, mall, playground, school recital, doctor's office with the unruly kid(s). They are climbing all over furniture, running through the aisles, throwing things, wailing at the top of their lungs while mom either pleads with said kid(s) to behave or ignores it. I used to shake my head at these mothers and their lack of control over their kid(s). I no longer judge.

I was with Marlie at Target last week. I should point out that Marlie is usually a perfect angel in public. Back to the story. So we're in the detergent aisle when a blood-curdling scream pierces our peaceful shopping atmosphere. Uh oh. I quickly grabbed a box of Borax and headed for checkout. We pass a boy, about 4 years old, and his mom in the next row over. He is having a full blown tantrum on the floor complete with fist pumps, kicking, and shrieking until his face turned red. I tried not to stare as I slowly walk by, but he was giving an Oscar-caliber performance. His mother was saying something about taking him straight home and skipping a trip to the park. Wrong move, sister. His tantrum escalates and he starts shouting loudly, "I hate you mommy!" over and over. As I am waiting in line, I see them approach. Everyone at the registers is looking at this sad picture of a mom cutting her shopping trip short because her son wants to tell all of Target that he hates her. How does a child even learn to use this word? They exit the store. I look at my angel and realize that she has been watching the entire episode. She looks right into my eyes, opens her mouth, and lets out a tentative cry. Excuse me? I stare right back, wag my finger and say "no way missy. you aren't learning any bad habits today." Amazingly, she stops the fake crying. Did I successfully reason with her or am I imagining it?

At what age did you start disciplining your child(ren), what disciplinary methods work for your family?