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Monday Morning Parenting: Dear Mom Guilt,

Monday, September 10, 2012

Dear Mom Guilt, 

I am going to get straight to the point. 

I am breaking up with you. 

Sky Park in Daejeon floating in sky
By Yoo Chung (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons
This may come as a shock to you since we have become tight in the past two months during a very stressful cross-country move with an infant and toddler. I was worried about uprooting my family. I was afraid that I traumatized my little girl by ripping her away from her school community and the only friends she's ever known. My doubts were redoubled when I made a misstep with the first new school I picked for her and I could only scare up two kids to attend her birthday party. You have been my constant companion through all of the transitions and adjustments.
But you are suffocating me. I feel you squeezing my gut every time I make the the wrong mom move. You hover over my head like a dark cloud ready to strike me with lighting when I fail as a parent. You make me second guess my instincts, which is my most powerful tool as a mom. I can't have you emasculating me. So, like all bad relationships, our "friendship" has to come to an end. 
I came to this conclusion after realizing that my kids are more resilient than I give them credit for, that I am more resourceful and stronger than I give myself credit for. I was not doing anyone any favors by letting you eat away at me. My kids are healthy and happy and thriving. That is all that matters. 

We may still run into each other in passing, but I can't hang out with you anymore. There is just no room for you in my life. I am ready to move on and be a happy mom who embraces being good enough.


septembermom said...

Teresha, I need to borrow this letter because I'm sick of mama guilt choking me too! You are so right that your kids are doing awesome and that you are one strong super mama!!

Sarah P. said...

Thank you for this! Been dealing with this lately as well.

Anonymous said...

Amen to everything you said. Mom guilt is a terrible thing to carry around, but we all do it from time to time.

Mama Up! said...

Woo! Way to go, woman! I kicked mom guilt out of my handbag a long time ago because I figure as long as you love them, feed them, and keep them healthy, no grownup choices you make are going to mess up your kids.

...they'll do a perfectly good job messing themselves up when they turn into teens ;)

Help! Mama Remote... said...

Food for you'! You do not need him in your life. Often when we are busy or under stress or change in our life that freakin guilt pops its ugly head!

Anonymous said...

Glad you wrote this. I don't know what it is, but mom guilt is the one thing that can easily bring us to our knees. I've also been feeling guilty over things as well.

Alexia said...

Amen sister. You don't need that guilt in your life cause you are awesome! You've got this.

The Redhead Riter said...

As long as you are a human being with flesh and blood, you will make mistakes doing all kinds of things with and without your kids. There is NO reason to feel GUILT that you aren't perfect!!!! After your kids are grown, you will look back and say, "Man! I was a SUPER MOM and I am so glad I invested all the time and energy in my offspring!" All the things you "thought" were worth feeling guilty about won't even enter your head! It is such a freeing feeling. LOL


Kim said...

Oh Amen, my friend. So well written and so very wise. We could all take a lesson here.

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