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It Came Out of Nowhere and Hit Me Like a Mack Truck

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Blue Sad
By Jgsho (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons
I have been internally debating whether or not to share this entry from my personal journal on this blog. I finally decided to post it when I realized my hesitation was caused by my sense of pride, not a need for privacy. So here goes...I had a mini-nervous breakdown on Sunday.

I thought I was juggling the seemingly endless duties of being a new mommy really well. I was managing feedings, changing and laundering cloth diapers, and keeping up with my to-do list (order birth announcements, check!). I even took the 7-day postpartum depression self-test and passed with flying colors. I was Superwoman...not! By Sunday, the adrenaline rush was wearing off and I was running on fumes. But I continued to push myself. I was in the kitchen making a late breakfast and talking about the things I needed to get done that day. Damon replied I needed to slow down and get more rest since I just gave birth a week ago. Of course I interpret this as criticism. How dare he question my super powers?! I argue that I can handle everything I need to do. He insists that I need to focus on taking care of myself and the baby. That was the match that lit the fire. I know he is right, but I still feel like a bad mommy. I start to cry. He tries to hug me. I push him away and race upstairs. I slam the bedroom door behind me and fling myself on the bed and cry it out for ten minutes. Damon enters the room and we talk. We don't see eye-to-eye because I am a doer and he is an idler. Still, I agree to start letting some things go and he agrees to take care of some of these things so I can relax.

I have always been a pro at multitasking, but a baby changes everything. She doesn't conform to schedules or checklists. Also, I am human with mortal limitations. So I am prioritizing now...blogging only every other day,
returning emails when I have time, letting the phone calls from well wishers go to voicemail, stopping to take a compulsory nap during the day. I am getting way behind on my to-do list, but learning to be okay with it.


Kim @ What's That Smell? said...

I think this all normal! My husband and I used to laugh through my tears after each of my kids were born because I cried at the drop of a hat for a few weeks sometimes for no reason.

Hormones are CRAZY!

He IS right, but it's soooo hard (I'm a doer too) to not want to have everything in its place.

Take care!

Sew Can Do said...

Hang in there - what you're feeling is SO normal! My baby isn't even out yet and I had a similar breakdown already! We have the same doer/idler dynamic & I felt the same way you described after my other kids were born. My 3rd is supposed to arrive any day now, but after the dr causing a major false alarm panic this week and put me on "semi-bed rest" I broke down about feeling powerless & not doing it all.

Just remember you're doing great, juggling some major changes and it's ok if not everything is done. Sometimes doing nothing & getting some time for yourself makes all the difference - that and when the hormone levels all get back to pre-baby normal;)


Amy @ Six Flower Mom said...

HUGS! I know how this is, oh too well! Damon is right but I also know how hard it is to hear. My advice to you (as a mom of six) --- ENJOY --- this time goes so quickly, check lists, duties and all that jazz will be here but little Marlie will onlt be little for a moment -- ENJOY every little moment that you can --- hugging and cuddling and cherishing! I say this as a mom of a 6 month old who now each morning wiggles around to play on the floor instead of just cuddling with mom -- it goes too fast.

You created life and is helping that life grow -- YOU ARE SUPER WOMAN!!!

I have been really not blogging much but will be back!


The Redhead Riter said...

Remember my piece of advice...YOU are not superwoman. LOL Remember, I couldn't walk for three weeks (I crawled on my hands and knees), so how much do you think I accomplished? A whole lot because I stayed in the bed and stared at my baby and slept and nursed. Is there really anything else more important? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You have a great husband. Let him clean up after himself and help you because I know he is willing to do it. Lay there and rest and watch her sleep and then fall asleep. You need to help your body and it has only been A VERY SHORT TIME SINCE YOU GAVE BIRTH...Hellloooooooo! LOL Now stop reading this and go lay down with your baby! I promise you will feel so much better if you do this for yourself the first month. Don't make me fly there :o) I DO know how to get there very well!

MedeirosATL said...

I was pretty sane as a pregnant woman, but I lost my marbles for 2-3 weeks after delivery. In my case, I was certain that my Mother-in-Law was trying to undermine my ever decision as a parent. I was pretty horrible to her for a few weeks there. Thanks goodness we all recognized that most of it was driven my the wacky hormones coursing through my system. It will get better, and Damon is right to encourage you to rest a little bit. You will get it all done, and everyone understands that being a Mommy is your first priority right now.

Diana of Diana Rambles said...

Welcome to motherhood!! I am glad you are figuring this out so early on. Now that you've proclaimed it online, you must take it easy. And if you miss your every other day blogging or returning a phone call...who cares? Seriously! Like the title of the blog says...it's Marlier and Mommy...so focus on that!!

jmt said...

The breakdowns are COMPLETELY normal. The biggest lesson I learned (and that I wish I had learned DURING my experiences of breakdown) is that sometimes...those dudes we marry...? They ARE right. We need to not worry, we need to nap, we need to step away from the baby and just BE. Just sleep. Just zone out for a time. 30 minutes might be all you need and you'll be able to take a deep breath and hit it again. :) Just listen to them....I wish I had.

The Quattlebaums said...

Thanks for posting this story... if this happens after Graham is here... I'll remember this story.

I can't wait to hear your birth story... I want to know how it went at BWC!!! Please post soon.

Teresa @ ♥ Too Many Heartbeats ♥ said...

Bless your sweet heart! I'm so glad you posted because I bet just writing it out helped a lot, didn't it?

As some of the others have surely said, all of your feelings are completely normal. This is that time in your life when your hormones are at their all-time craziest! When we are postpartum, those hormones are all over the place and they make us do and say all kinds of things. One minute we are happy as can be and the next we just want to rip someone's head off! In fact, nothing would make us happier! ;-)

The best thing I can recommend when you are feeling so weary and frazzled is to try to go sit in a quiet place. I know it is sometimes hard to do, but try! Go somewhere alone, or maybe with Damon and/or Marlie, depending on what is going on at the time. Get somewhere where it is dark, cool and quiet. Then rest. Yes, REST! You may be an awesome supermom but remember, even God had to rest when He was finished with His creation!

Don't be afraid or unwilling to let others help you. You *need* your strength for your body to heal and for you to give your full attention to that sweet little baby. Let those kind family members, neighbors and/or church folks cook, clean and do other chores while you rest and spend time with that precious little one you have waited so long for. The time will pass quickly and then you won't have people asking to help and that sweet little girl will grow so very fast! Take every advantage and opportunity you have to enjoy just spending time with her. You will not regret a single moment!

Take care of you my friend and keep looking up!


Teresa <><


Maureensk said...

Yeah, babies do throw everything out of whack. I did better when she was younger, but have not been doing so well since she hit about 6 months. My moods have been less stable, I have the weepies some days. More than anything, I just cannot stay on top of things. You'd think having four babies before her would have prepared me, but honestly I do not know how my younger me did it. I do know that she is more high maintenance, but still, I managed four in 7 years, how can one be throwing me for such a loop?!?!

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